“I think certain preconceptions of being mixed race have made me feel a little isolated. Especially when it comes to my hair. I love to experiment and I remember when I was about 14-15 I got ‘pick and drop’ a braided hair style. I remember another black girl my age commenting, questioning why I was having that hairstyle and again claiming that mixed race girls are confused. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life and was even more confused as a lot of the other black girls were European weaves, I remember thinking, why is it ok for them and not me? Because my skin tone is so fair its as if I wasn’t ‘black enough’ to rock that hairstyle.
My complexion was always an issue for people in school. Constant questions about where U was from and if I was really mixed race. I will never forget some people still didn’t believe I was mixed even when my dad came to parents evening.
I literally used to wear fake tan every day to try and the colour I was ‘supposed’ to. Which is actually sad when I think back to it.
When I was in primary school my cousin on my fathers side asked if I pretended I was white at school. That left me a little confused and made me question ‘is that what I should be doing?’ I also remember feeling a little too yellow for my mums side and a little too light for my dads side. I stuck out like a sore thumb in family photos and I think that was hard for me to get my head around growing up, learning and accepting that I was different.
The main thing I struggled with growing up was the idea that one side of my ancestors enslaved the other and I questioned my right to be angry and if my opinion was still valid for a mixed race girl ‘privileged’ with lighter skin. The moment I got called a ‘nig nog’ I knew I had every right to be angry. You don’t have to be of black heritage to be angry about racism or slavery.
I was confused at being called ‘half-caste’ as I had never thought of myself as half of anything. I found it was society’s perception of me that made me question what box I fit into and other’s comments that made me feel like I was neither here nor there. But growing up I’ve realised I don’t have to choose. I’m not half of anything. I am two wholes and I love both wholeheartedly. I feel when you’re mixed, there’s this box you have to stay in and if you come out you’re deemed confused.”
Hey beautiful human,
Yes you, beautiful, with your flaws and all. I firstly wanted to congratulate you, another week, we made it! Even if last week was a complete disaster we’ve been given the chance to go again!
Last week for me personally was a mess. lol! But i remained focused and didn’t let it completely take over, so this week’s Monday motivation is all about my top 5 tips on how i remained aligned when having such a shit week. 🙂 (more…)
Hey beautiful people!
Happy Monday!! haha! You already know the vibe around here on a Monday is a good one, I am absolutely shattered but feeling ready for the new week!
So I’ve just left radar radio in London and i’m now on route Leeds on the train (boop boop virgin trains for the free wifi) I felt so compelled to write this post. Its was 2 years 2 days ago that I first started this blog with the hope it would help act as a tool to pick people up through their everyday lives and everyday struggles that we face.
In those 2 years I had a breakdown, detached from someone I believed I was in love with, waved Cameron (my son-for the new followers) off as he started big school, spoke at events, started to receive counselling, been on BBC extra radio, spoke on a panel in conjunction with MTV, launched the pick me up inc merchandise, thought I was going to fail and made friendships and connections with people I never could have dreamed of.
As a whole, the last 2 years have been the most soul destroying yet most vital part of my journey so far. It reminds me that where you are now is not where you are going to be. At times I honestly thought I wasn’t going to get through as I battled with past trauma’s. I felt so isolated, even in a room full of people. I was struggling in every aspect of my life. Friends, family, parenting, boys, money….OMG MONNNEYYYYY! STRESS! HAHA!
But I know now this was all to bring me to this point, this point where I can look at my life and say ‘nope it’s not perfect, but fukc yes I’m alive and i’m not giving up yet!’.
So many of you amazing humans message me daily telling me how Pick Me Up Inc has helped and honestly that means so much to me, I never planned to have a business, I never planned to share parts of me on the internet. It just happened and through that I have been able to connect and work with the most incredible people and help others. Which is what this is all about, we are living in a time where we should be so connected especially with social media etc but for some reason i’ve never felt the world so divided. Now more than ever we need to be there for one another.
This week I have found myself around people and in places that I have been preeing so so hard the last few years! haha! Never really giving it a thought that one day I will be sitting in a room where my opinion is getting taken in to consideration. This time last year I was flat on my face and literally not the happy go lucky Yas i’m used to, but I didn’t give up, i seemed help, I asked for help and when the help was offered I showed up and drowned in it allowing my healing to start.
We have all become so consumed with looking amazing yet do we feel amazing? So consumed with how much we ‘look’ like we are on our grind but are we really hustling? So consumed with appealing to others are we even appealing to ourselves?
I asked myself these questions last year and my honest answer was no. I didn’t like who I was anymore, actually scrap that…I didn’t even know who I was. But I allowed myself to break and build myself back up. If i’m honest I still struggle now though and there are times where I fear having a down day because i’m scared to go back to that place but acceptance that I will never be rid of it is what has helped me, I think anyone who says they can get rid of your anxiety chat shit because for as long as you are growing and experiencing life, your anxiety or depression will be there BUT you will better equipped to deal with it and manage it. Im no expert and I don’t claim to know it all, I can only speak from my truth and if that resonates then dope, if not thats fine too. I hope anyone reading this going through something will find the strength to keep going, find the strength to seek help. Take your mask off, be honest and be you.
Thank you to you if you have ever showed support to myself or pick me up and thank you if this is the first time you are clicking this page.
Lots of love and light as always.
So it’s Monday, how has your self talk been today? Already stressing about getting to work? Already shouted because you’ve stumped your toe? Already snapped at the kids as the Monday blues sink in? Well can I have your attention for 5 mins?..
So it’s the first Monday of 2017 and we are back! We hope you are well, feeling good and ready to go. If you’re aren’t then not to worry, i’ll be honest I had a burst of energy towards the end of last year and the festive break made me slow down and I kind of thought…how am I going to pick this back up and go again? (more…)
Sooo last night my cousin asked me how I am positive in the morning and what gets me up. I sent back a lengthy voice note but once I listened back it was apparent to me that it’s simply gratitude.
We give over so much of our power, letting external things create mini thunderstorms inside of us. But the moment I recognised I get to choose how I respond to things was the moment life became better.
I am grateful because I have a choice, a choice I didn’t have when I was younger. I wake up and feel grateful just to choose how I get to feel. I think of young kids living in the middle of a war zone who have no choice. I think of women and men trying to flee their countries because it’s unsafe where they are. So when I rise on a Monday morning I don’t sit and complain, I count my blessings and I remember my power. I remember I get to choose. I hope on this Monday morning you remember that also.
Enjoy and remember you are stronger than you think.
There are 2 types of people in this world…
Person 1: This person wakes up and has no patience whatsoever may find themselves even talking at the kettle… ‘oh hurry up’ then get to the train station and their train is delayed ‘oh for fuck sake!’ they curse to themselves (because obviously swearing at the timetable gets the train to your platform quicker) the kind of person who can’t sit in traffic for no longer than 5 minutes and then questions ‘will this be my day then..why always me?’ then will silently agree their life is crap and they have the worst luck. ha-ha..sound familiar? (more…)
Somewhere out there someone is chilling, maybe alone or maybe amongst family or friends appearing to seem interested in the convo’s taking place. It won’t be the company that annoys them or even the loneliness that tugs at them..no it will be the feeling of wanting more. The feeling of not doing enough with the life they currently have, the unsettling feeling of resentment as they watch others progress whilst they sit and silently doubt themselves. They sigh, knowing that feeling of peace has been felt but frustration sets in as they have no clue how they can obtain it again.
This might feel like you, I know its felt like me on a few occasions and it certainly doesn’t help if you are going to a job you absolutely hate tomorrow so heres a few little tips I think could help on this Sunday evening.
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